What Does It Mean to be a Lutheran Youth… When It Comes to Dealing With Other People I Don’t Like?

The Flash Mob is becoming a very popular and trendy social phenomenon. Flash Mobs have been depicted in movies and commercials as joyous celebrations, whereby a large, seemingly spontaneous group of people join together in singing and dancing an upbeat tune. However, one does not need to look very far to discover news reports of teenagers that have used Flash Mobs in a much more nefarious manner. For example, there have been nearly a dozen incidents just this year of 30 or more teenagers gathering at the same time and place in downtown Minneapolis or the Mall of America and brutally attacking random citizens. Similarly, teens have been glamorizing random acts of aggression and violence as they post video clips of their behavior on YouTube or Facebook (Search results for Teen Fight on YouTube = 30,098 videos).
The message is clear. If you don’t like the way someone looks at you, just go and get a group of your friends together and teach them a lesson. If you don’t like someone, just post some cruel, threatening comments on their Facebook page. These are just a couple of the many different ways that teen culture has begun to place “honor and respect” on those who are willing to use public displays of anger as ways to deal with people they don’t like. Although you may have recited the scripture verse in which we are taught to “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you” (Luke 6:27), perhaps you too find yourself getting extremely angry and thinking about ways that you would like to get even with teens who have hurt you. So how can you as a Lutheran youth respond to the message within teen culture in which young people are taught to respect and encourage brash outward expressions of conflict?
Anger and conflict are typical human experiences that no one is able to completely avoid. The first step in your effort to challenge the cultural and internal (our sinful nature loves the Flash Mob mentality) glorification of conflict is to find a healthy way to deal with your own difficult emotions. Instead of trying to avoid anger, learn to recognize your own internal cues of escalating conflict. Some common warning signs for brewing anger are: increased heart rate, increased body temperature/sweating, tense muscles, and difficulty with concentration. If you notice these things, you may be more vulnerable to react to someone with actions/thoughts that you will later regret. Identify a distraction (deep breaths, counting, go for a walk) that will help prevent you from reacting impulsively in the moment. If you can “push pause” on having any reaction in that moment of anger, you have already achieved a significant success. If you can delay yourself from responding (just 2-3 seconds), you will significantly improve your chances of reacting more appropriately.
It is also very important to remember that God’s Word is and always will be our best guide in life (as in Ephesians 4:21). Conflict is not a subject with which there is a shortage of scriptural guidance. Although there are many verses which describe healthy ways to handle the human emotion of anger (Proverbs 17:14, Romans 12:17, Titus 3:10), I want to make a special point of discussing the following verse: “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother” (Matthew 18:15). In this verse we are specifically instructed to handle disagreements with our peers directly and not to make a public spectacle of those conflicts. Furthermore, I challenge you to be courageous and speak out against the teenage social approval of Flash Mob beatings and YouTube assault videos.
And remember, you are not alone.
Joshua T. Mears is a Christian counselor at Wisconsin Lutheran Child and Family Service—Christian Family Counseling.