What Does Love Have to Do with Marriage?

I decided years ago not to marry any couples unless they first consented to let me show them what God says about marriage. It is that important a matter! And there is no better time to do this than when marriage has come to mean not just one man and one woman, but this man and this woman, who will vow to each other in the presence of those who witness their marriage and in the sight of God, who created marriage.
A pastor’s call to serve a congregation obligates him to teach God’s word purely, to administer the Sacraments rightly, and to shepherd the sheep and lambs of the Good Shepherd faithfully. But a pastor’s call does not obligate him to marry people. There is a reason for this statement because, in conducting a marriage, the pastor also works for the state, as every marriage license I have ever seen plainly says. Temporarily, then, he serves the government (the kingdom of God’s left hand) as well as the church (the kingdom of God’s right hand), and so he has a responsibility to each.
As great a blessing as marriage is to humanity, divorce is hurtful—to husband, wife, and children, to family and friends, and to community and church. Certainly there is forgiveness from God for the divorced person, as there is for all people who sin and repent. But often divorce brings hurtful consequences that cannot be remedied this side of eternity.
A pastor’s attitude toward every couple should be, “I do not want to be an accessory to a forthcoming divorce. Your divorce would not be good for anyone. So I ask you to listen to what God says in His word and then to consider together carefully what it means to vow that you two will become and remain one.” Very few couples have refused to study Scripture with me.
The question they soon hear is this: “So, given that so many marriages end in divorce, why do you believe it will be different for you?” You will not be surprised to hear that nearly every couple has answered, “Because we love each other.” But who has ever thought differently?
Marriage certainly is all about love between one man and one woman, but it is more than that. What will keep love alive and growing between two who will not, because of sin, at all times speak or act as lovingly as they should toward each other? Consider this: To enter marriage is to enter into what God designed for man and woman in order to bless them and bring them joy. However, marriage begins with a vow, a promise.
Most of us think that love will enable us to keep our vow, but that simply is not true. The reality is just the opposite. Keeping the marriage vow is what will enable love to remain and grow. For the vow is made not just to him or to her, but also to the community, whose witnesses are gathered to hear your vow, and most especially to God. The witnesses hear that no one is to “put asunder” this union. With their presence at the wedding, they promise to support and defend the two in keeping their vow of oneness. In doing this, they mirror the will of God.
Marriage is about love, but it is more than that. It begins, continues, and comes to a godly conclusion with a vow, a promise that the Apostle Paul tells us is like the promise Christ makes to His bride, the Holy Christian Church (Ephesians 5:22-33).
So, when your pastor asks each of you, “Would you first consent to sit down and consider together what God says to you?” Answer, “I do.” The blessing will be yours—and ours.
Steven R. Sparley is pastor of Our Savior Lutheran Church in Grants Pass, Oregon.